And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i love accidental penises.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
