I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize