gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
