I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want is dick and wine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
