Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
