he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
