life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
