Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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