if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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