In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
