yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am one with the molecules
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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