If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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