Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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