I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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