Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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