A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
