he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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