Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
