I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
