Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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