Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
