he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
