haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I touched a dick in church today
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
