Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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