my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
