Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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