and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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