Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
