Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
