did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
