omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
