I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize