i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
