Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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