I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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