Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
