as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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