when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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