I wish my penis had an off switch
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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