I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
