I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
