Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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