Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
