he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
