he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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