Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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