Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
