it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
