How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
