The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way Iām wasting 21 year old morning wood
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