roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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