It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
