I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
