I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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