do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
