It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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