Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
