Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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