I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
