we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
