hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
