You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
