i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
