doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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