Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
