if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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