Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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