in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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