JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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