he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
