I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
