i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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