We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
