ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
