All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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