He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His hands were made for my vagina.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
