Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
