ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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