your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
