I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
