So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
