Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
