i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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