Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
